Random · Ramblings

I had a really weird dream the other day that totally fucked with my head and I cannot shake the feeling it left me with. It's kind of driving me insane.

In order to avoid dramaz I'm not doing what my gut is telling me I should do and that's what's driving me insane.

To sum it up, as it was a very long ass dream, Jon was in my dream and we were searching for Peter. Jon was driving and we were talking and I asked him how he was doing. He said that things were not going well and he mentioned a girl named Amanda (I assume his girlfriend or most recent ex in the dream...iono as he hasn't spoken/messged me in like 4 years). He said that he was in pain. I literally felt like my heart got ripped out.

Now don't me wrong. I'm not all "I'm in love with my ex" or something along those lines, but I still care for him deeply (how could I not when I loved him so completely?). I would still do anything for him if he needed me. I wouldn't even ask why he hadn't bothered keeping in touch, I'd just be there.

That being said I've been desperately fighting the temptation to message him asking him if he's ok. As I think it would be incredibly weird and stalkerish. The last thing I want to do is alienate him.

So that's why I'm fighting myself internally. I know I would only make his situation worse as he'll probably be freaked out by me. But it's really hard wanting to help someone and knowing that you're utterly powerless.

__________________________________________

We're too late, we're too late
Release the rigging

No one uses the phone anymore
The tracks are wrecked and the odometer's ticking
The edge is pushed and the lines are melting
Too scared to look at what I hear outside
Release

We're too late

Protect, embrace, engulf
Remember the summer in Abaddon
Protect, enslave, in love
Remember the summer in Abaddon

Way offsides and I'm almost empty
I'm cracked and stripped like a domino's crush
Send a tell if you're ever near me
I'm A.F.K and I can't get by
Release me

This vessel's underway
Secure the rigging, we're headed south
Tack the sails, man the posts
We're headed south into the wind

Protect, embrace, engulf
Remember the summer in Abaddon
Protect, enslave, in love
Remember the summer in Abaddon

(We're too late)

Protect, embrace, engulf
Remember, the summer, in Abaddon
Protect, enslave, in love
Remember, the summer, in Abaddon

No one hears you fall to the floor
The mirror's broke and the newtonian's clicking
The finds are pressed and the veins are pumping
Too far gone to do more than breathe
Release me

This vessels underway
Headed south

Miles and miles of telephone poles
Fallen and tossed around
I can't talk to you anymore
And I miss you
And I miss you
Not in this little way, but I miss you

Seldom to touch far away from here
Even if I'm released
I can't talk to you anymore
And I miss you
And I miss you
Not in this little way, but I miss you

Going up to Edmonton to do the Visa stuff this weekend. Yay! I'm so happy. Mom is supposed to talk to me tonight to iron out some final details so that's all good.

My head is very itchy.

Also, I <3 Joan Jett. Next time I go to Karaoke I'm going to sing Crimson & Clover or depending if I'm drunk enough Do you want to touch me?...oh it will be good.

Iono when that'll happen though as bar scenes will be unlikely for a while with that group of friends as one of them is preggers. D:<

I'm posting in my LJ. Will the miracles never cease?

I have my midterm tomorrow/today (as it is almost midnight). I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. It's awesome!

LONDON UPDATE:
I have my appointment booked for my Visa stuff on Monday the 17th. We're going to be spending the weekend up there so I'm excited about that. Peter can be a love bug sometimes so I'm hoping for a surprise...maybe if I'm good.

Tomorrow I am going to brush up on my facts while I shave and beautify myself. I want to feel good about myself walking into the midterm. I figure the more confident I am the better.

Peter has twisted my arm into watching FMP (Full Metal Panic for all of you not as nerdy as me). I lorves it. I'm just in that kind of mood I guess. I lorved the Twilight series so I guess this makes sense. Sadly, I've finished all the series and the next book doesn't come out until August (I pre-ordered it though!). D: Owain got me started on His Dark Materials series (The Golden Compass etc.) and so far I agree with him that it's an excellent read/story. Cannot wait to finish it.

Shannon, keep on posting love. I do read your stuff btw even if I don't post all the time.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
2) What was your dream growing up?
3) What talent do you wish you had?
4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
5) Favorite vegetable?
6) What was the last book you read?
7) What zodiac sign are you?
8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
9) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
27) What's your favorite place to hang at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) If you could live anywhere in the world where would you chose?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

So I'm moving to England once I'm done school this coming year.  I am very happy about this development. I plan on acquiring a laptop before I move so I can set up shop in a local pub. I'm also thinking about documenting my daily/weekly events there but I'm not sure I will actually hold true to that. I tend to get distracted and busy.

Peter is chill with me moving there which is nice. No worries about that then. Of course there's going to be a little bit of loneliness but that doesn't bother me. Sometimes it's good to get out and be by yourself. Obviously I won't be completely by myself as I will be living with my father but frankly that's not the same.  I think this is a great chance for me to grow as a person. Me time.

I have high hopes about this.

Also, I must apologize to the people who actually read my LJ. I have not been fatihful in my updates. Partially due to my schedule but mostly due to lack of news. In the last little bit though I have had a downfall of news.

Firstly, I am no longer working at Roofmart. This brings me so much joy it is hard to express it clearly. This year has been full of positive changes like this and I am incredibly grateful for it. Though it wasn't my idea to leave I am happy as I see this as something that needed to happen.

Secondly, I was recently the victim of those debit card scams that are hitting the city. The bank caught it immediately and let me know. It's getting sorted out right now but it had rattled my cage a little bit. I think anyone can appreciate how upsetting it would be to have fraudulent transactions on their bank account.

Lastly, Peter and I have adopted a baby kitty. His name is Sampson and he is an absolute doll. If you pick him up he simply melts in your hands and starts his motor. Star is so far unimprssed but she is slowly warming up to him as both cuddle with me in bed. Speaking of Star she has created a bed for herself in front of my computer. It is rather adorable.

Well that's it, until next quarter (as it appears to be my habit to post four times a year).

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Spark -by the Birds and the Bees
WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE? The Yellow Ones -by Pinback
WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU? Zmeyka - by Ladytron
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Lightning Crashes- by Live
WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU? Gyroscope- by The Tea Party
HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE? I Love Rock and Roll - by Joan Jett
HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE? Starter- by the Cardigans
WILL YOU GET MARRIED? Girls get the Bass in the Back- by No Doubt
WILL YOU HAVE KIDS? Elenor- by Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL? Hello Oskar- OLP
WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE? Semi-Charmed Life -Third Eye Blind
WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? Calm Like a Bomb- Rage Against the Machine
WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Goodbye- by the Spice Girls (I shit you not.)
THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE: From Me to You- The Beatles (I'm such a Leo...)
HAPPY TIMES: Do You Wanna Touch Me? - by Joan Jett
SAD TIMES: The House is Rockin'- by Stevie Ray Vaughn
EVERY DAY: Shoot the Moon- by Norah Jones
FOR TOMORROW: Change Style- Benny Benassi
FOR YOU: Smells like Teen Spirit- Nirvana
WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? Under the Bridge- by All Saints
WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD? Pivotal- by Cursive
WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING? Lady Marmelade- by All Saints (Classy.)
YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING? Look to Me - by Azure Ray
HOW WILL I DIE? Bootie Call- by All Saints (perfect)
THE SONG THAT YOU'LL PUT AS YOUR SUBJECT? I hate Myself for Loving You- Joan Jett

Some of these are just too well placed. >_> iTunes is the devil

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my flist, so let me know with whom I'm friends!



1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favourite memory of us?
14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarkey) - what are they :
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favourite subject at school:
22. Describe your accent -
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27.If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you haveno idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you? (assuming I am not asleep in a corner somewhere)